What I'm About

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Portland, Maine, United States
I'm a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a tortilla, deep fried to a golden crisp and smothered in sour cream and salsa. After the relatively short amount of years of living on this planet, only now do I feel like I have anything marginally interesting to say about anything. I hope to be able to write funny things for the most part, but don't be surprised if occasionally there appears some weird erotic fiction or a long-winded, philosophical monologue about the meaning of life. It just all depends on how I'm feeling on any given day. One this is for sure though, there will be cute pictures (and in all likelihood, videos) of bunnies and cats from time to time. So you've officially been warned...

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Breathe Into It

     "Come on, just lift up with your arms and push your hips up," said Seth, leaning over Dean as he tried valiantly to push himself up into wheel pose. Seth tried to assist by lifting up on his lower back, but one of his hands managed to stray down to Dean's ass, cupping a round, firm cheek for a moment before Dean let out a loud groan and dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes, sweating profusely.
     "Sorry, I didn't mean to distract you.....my hand slipped," Seth apologized, rubbing the sweat off the back of his neck, a slight smirk playing on his lips.
     "It's alright, I wasn't gonna be able to hold it anyway," Dean replied, breathing heavily. "Jesus, does it have to be hotter than Satan's taint in here? My lungs feel like they're gonna spontaneously combust, for fuck's sake."
     "Yes, believe it or not, it does," Seth answered, moving over next to Dean onto his yoga mat. "Because the heat and the humidity help lengthen and relax all those muscles that get so tense, and then you can do stuff like this-"
     Quickly and gracefully, Seth bent down and went into a handstand, his abdomen flexing as he held himself under complete control. Dean couldn't help but blatantly eye-hump him as he showed off for him, especially since the tiny white Under Armour shorts he was wearing were stuck to him like a second skin. His entire body was glistening, and sweat dripped off of him, making little pools on the mat below.
     He then brought one leg forward and the other back, going into an upside-down split, his back muscles undulating as he supported his weight. He brought both legs straight back up again and then switched, bringing them back into a split on the other side. He grunted softly as he stabilized, his serratus muscles cutting deep zigzags down his sides. Then, he brought them back to straight up once more, toes pointing to the ceiling as he continued to remain calm and balanced. 
     "And then, when you become a supple panther like me, you can bring it back into wheel," he said, voice slightly strained from being upside-down. He brought one leg down behind him and then the other, arching gracefully up into wheel pose and straightening both arms. He looked over at Dean from his odd vantage point, smiling just a bit arrogantly, sweat streaming off his forehead onto the mat. 
     "Yeaaahhh," Dean replied, not at all sold on the idea. I hope you know I will NEVER be able to do that. I mean, shit, 99% of people will never be able to do that shit. You're just like, some kind of bendy freak of nature or something." he huffed, toweling off his sweaty, red face, leaning back on his elbow. 
     Seth laughed, his form crumbling, sending him thudding down onto the mat on his back. Looking over at Dean, he said, "You could totally do that too, if you really worked on your flexibility in your hamstrings, and practiced yoga on a regular basis. And it probably wouldn't hurt to not be wearing heavy-ass, non-breathable polyester basketball shorts to do it in, either." He smirked, looking Dean up and down as he lay there, still trying to recover his breath from his prior exertion. 
     "Yeah, I know, you just wanna see the goods, don't you?" Dean asked, grabbing his junk through the waterlogged material of his shorts, jutting it in Seth's direction. "Face it, if I was wearing the kind of shorts you're wearing right now, we wouldn't have even made it to wheel pose, you little whore." He said, sticking his tongue out and giving him a one-sided grin as he ran a hand through his sopping wet hair.
     Seth looked back at Dean, eyes lingering on his crotch momentarily before finally making eye contact. "Fuck you.....for being right, you dick." Seth chuckled, knowing he had to own up to what Dean obviously knew was true.
    "Well," Dean suggested, "I think as long as ONE of us is a supple panther, and all crazy bendy and shit, and that one of us is you, we'll be all set."
     "And," Seth added, "as long as one of us can still bring a yoga session to a screaming halt at the mere suggestion of him doing it wearing skintight shorts, and that one of us is you, I'll be more than happy."
     

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