This is one of my favorite poems, and it's also one that I know by heart. Hopefully, if the world does end, I hope it goes out in one of these two ways. I know the Rapture isn't supposed to be the big finale, but all the hubbub about it lately has got me in a cataclysmic state of mind, and this poem has been stuck on repeat in my head for the last few days. Well, that and Tool's Aenema. What a friggin' awesome song. Amyway, yeah, I like this poem. Hopefully you will too...
Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
- Robert Frost
What I'm About
- Daggerella
- Portland, Maine, United States
- I'm a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a tortilla, deep fried to a golden crisp and smothered in sour cream and salsa. After the relatively short amount of years of living on this planet, only now do I feel like I have anything marginally interesting to say about anything. I hope to be able to write funny things for the most part, but don't be surprised if occasionally there appears some weird erotic fiction or a long-winded, philosophical monologue about the meaning of life. It just all depends on how I'm feeling on any given day. One this is for sure though, there will be cute pictures (and in all likelihood, videos) of bunnies and cats from time to time. So you've officially been warned...
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The Apathy Coalition- Join us. Or don't. Whatever.
Heyyyyy, what's happening? Oh my God, I haven't seen you in like, forever! Wow, that's so random how we just ran into each other! Hey, I was just on my way home after work, and I know I we haven't talked in a while, why don't we catch up? You busy right now? We could go grab a beer someplace...ok cool, let's go!
(3 hours later)
Hehe....sorry about that- I guess I should have mentioned that I can only drink gluten-free beer, and apparently none of the 32 other bars we went to before this one had any, so yeah...I'm a dick, I know.
Anyhoo, how have you been? You look great, have you lost weight? Yeah, and the family, they're doing good? Awesome. It's great to see you, really. I miss hanging out and talking with you- we should really get together more often...
Oh, me? I'm doing alright, I guess.Yeah, just alright, not great. Well, it's kind of funny, but I guess I've just kinda stopped giving a shit about anything lately. Nah, I'm not suicidal or anything, but I guess you could say I've been struck with a serious case of terminal apathy. I just really don't care much about anything that is going on anywhere at all. Why? Well, for one thing, I've come to the realization in the last few months that I am in all likelihood never going to procreate or even get married for that matter. And you know, the funny thing is, I've been saying that all my life anyway, but it was different when I assumed that I would have ample opportunity to do both in my life. Now, I'm 37, I've been in several long-term relationships and never once have I been anywhere close to being proposed to, I pretty much wasted all my good childbearing years dating a bunch of losers, and I don't think I'd be cut out for motherhood anyway. So that leaves me sitting here thinking, "what now"? What the hell is the point anymore?
*sighs* Yeah, I know, I know- I'm not THAT old, but I swear something happened to me when I had this epiphany. Even if I did have the chance to do those things now, I wouldn't be able to look at it in the same way. I'm like, uber-jaded or something...
What? (takes slug off beer) It is SO a word! Yes it is! Shut up and order me another one, willya? Thanks man. You know, you're just sooo awesome to talk to. It's like, we get each other. It's sooo cool. I like you... (stares dreamily at bar coaster)
*snaps fingers* Oh, yeah, so as I was saying, I just can't bring myself to give a shit. And it's not just about getting married and having kids, either, although I gotta say, once you realize that those two things are the things that drive probably 99% of people to do what they do in life, and then you realize that you're not one of those people, well, you kinda feel like you're playing soccer on a baseball field. It's a whole different ball game, and there are no goals. So it's just you, running around in circles and wearing yourself out. In other word- wait, what? Hahaha, you KNOW that was the best metaphor ever, don't even lie! You loved it, c'mon, you had to know that I would bust out the good cheese for you, right? 'Cuz you're my freeeiiiinndddd!!! haha.....*snort*
Ohmygod, I can't believe I just did that! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
(5 minute laughing spell)
hahaha......ahaha.....haha......ha.......(wipes tears away)......hooooooo......that was so not appropriate, I know.
(to bartender)
Hey, uh, sorry about clearing the place out like that- who knew people would have a problem with a person laughing maniacally and crying at the same time? Don't worry, I'll tip good, I promise!
(Turns back around)
So anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, you were about to get me another beerski, amirite? Yeah, that's right, that's the stuff- this shit may be gluten-free, but it sure ain't alcohol free, know what I'm sayin'? Mehehehe. (sways gently on barstool)
Yup. So I just decided that I wasn't gonna care about those things anymore, you know? But the problem is, how am I supposed to live my life if I don't know what to do? I know it probably sounds ridiculous, seeing as how most people dream of being able to live their lives with no major responsibilities other than taking care of themselves, but it's also scary as shit because you're like, winging it all the time.
And then, this is where the apathy comes into play, because I realized that with no one else to worry about, things don't really seem to matter that much at all anymore. I mean, when you get right down to it, none of it really matters. It starts to feel like you're just biding your time until you die, and lemme tell you, that's not a thought you wanna have right before going to bed at night. Seriously, there isn't even anything worth fighting for anymore. Besides, even if you do decide to stand for something and want to fight for a cause, the world is so corrupt and politics are so totally fucked nowadays that there is usually no way you can win. It's just an exercise in futility. I mean, do people really think that their stupid Facebook status is going to raise awareness for their pet causes that will really amount to anything? No, they won't. It's just so FUCKING dumb. And not to mention the people bitching about gas- hey, you drive a car, it needs gas to run- just BUY THE FUCKING GAS and shut the fuck up, please! We can't do a single fucking thing about it, so why bother bitching? Aaarrghhh it just pisses me off... *hard sigh*
Whaat?! Sorry, I'll calm down, I just get a little worked up sometimes, even though, as I already said, there's no fucking point in it... why yes, I will have another, thanks for asking!
(pounds 2/3 of beer at once)
*aaaahhhhhh* that's what I'm talking about. Oh man, I'm sorry. I wanted to come here and catch up, not regale you with a drunken diatribe. Well, yeah, I guess you could say I'm not the best drunk. I have what they call...(leans in much too closely)....excesshhhh.....exess.....excessive soshulllubrication syndrome. That means, I get waaayyyy too chatty when I'm drunk, and I usually say very unaa...unaceptible things too. Hehehehe. I said "lubrication". Heheheh. Luuuuuuuube-rication. I love lube. The word, not the....well, actually, I do love lube. Never mind what I just said, that was dumb. (attepmts to hide huge Cheshire Cat grin)
So anyway, I don't wanna talk about me anymore, let's talk about you. Oh, come on, I told you it's not like I'm gonna go jump off a building or anything, sheesh.....honestly, I won't- you know why? Because it would be too much work, and I also don't want to make my family all sad and shit. They've had enough problems. I wouldn't do that to them. Plus, I've always had the belief that if a person wants to commit suicide, they should have to break their own neck. You know, like how in the movies the karate guy always sneaks up behind some guard or something and snaps his neck? Yeah, like that, only they'd have to do it to themselves. That way, it would automatically cut out all the sad emo dicks who threaten to kill themselves as a cry for attention. The way I look at it is, suicide is about the most cowardly thing a person can do, so why not make the act of killing one's self at least a little bit more respectable by making it something that takes some serious balls to do? Right? Come on, don't laugh- I'm being dead serious! Alright, whatever- laugh it up now, but someday you'll appreciate the simple beauty of that theory....and THEN who'll be laughing??
No, I have no idea what that meant, but it sounded good when it was in my head.....mahahahaha. So yeah, we should totally go someplace else- this bar is boring. Whaaat? You have to go, seriously? Aww mannnnn, it wasn't something I said, was it? Are you sure? Look, I didn't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but well, you asked, so....
No, that's ok, I appreciate it. And don't worry, I will definitely keep in touch. Like I said, I miss talking with you, and we should deeeeeeeeeefinitely do thishh again. I'm sorry for going off on a tangent, but it's just tough trying to figure out what's important when the things you thought were important aren't important anymore, you know? You know?? (tries and fails repeatedly to put arm through hole in jacket sleeve)
Hey, it was good seeing you too- tell the family I said hi, and we'll talk again soon, ok? No, don't worry, I'm gonna walk home. Yeah, it's a little bit of a hike, but I'm sure the fresh air will do me good. It's not like I have anywhere to be anyway....ok, see ya...(waves)
(thinks to self) Oh shit, I guess I should have gotten their phone number. I could go after them, but......*sighs yet again*....what's the point?
(staggers out of bar and onto sidewalk)
(3 hours later)
Hehe....sorry about that- I guess I should have mentioned that I can only drink gluten-free beer, and apparently none of the 32 other bars we went to before this one had any, so yeah...I'm a dick, I know.
Anyhoo, how have you been? You look great, have you lost weight? Yeah, and the family, they're doing good? Awesome. It's great to see you, really. I miss hanging out and talking with you- we should really get together more often...
Oh, me? I'm doing alright, I guess.Yeah, just alright, not great. Well, it's kind of funny, but I guess I've just kinda stopped giving a shit about anything lately. Nah, I'm not suicidal or anything, but I guess you could say I've been struck with a serious case of terminal apathy. I just really don't care much about anything that is going on anywhere at all. Why? Well, for one thing, I've come to the realization in the last few months that I am in all likelihood never going to procreate or even get married for that matter. And you know, the funny thing is, I've been saying that all my life anyway, but it was different when I assumed that I would have ample opportunity to do both in my life. Now, I'm 37, I've been in several long-term relationships and never once have I been anywhere close to being proposed to, I pretty much wasted all my good childbearing years dating a bunch of losers, and I don't think I'd be cut out for motherhood anyway. So that leaves me sitting here thinking, "what now"? What the hell is the point anymore?
*sighs* Yeah, I know, I know- I'm not THAT old, but I swear something happened to me when I had this epiphany. Even if I did have the chance to do those things now, I wouldn't be able to look at it in the same way. I'm like, uber-jaded or something...
What? (takes slug off beer) It is SO a word! Yes it is! Shut up and order me another one, willya? Thanks man. You know, you're just sooo awesome to talk to. It's like, we get each other. It's sooo cool. I like you... (stares dreamily at bar coaster)
*snaps fingers* Oh, yeah, so as I was saying, I just can't bring myself to give a shit. And it's not just about getting married and having kids, either, although I gotta say, once you realize that those two things are the things that drive probably 99% of people to do what they do in life, and then you realize that you're not one of those people, well, you kinda feel like you're playing soccer on a baseball field. It's a whole different ball game, and there are no goals. So it's just you, running around in circles and wearing yourself out. In other word- wait, what? Hahaha, you KNOW that was the best metaphor ever, don't even lie! You loved it, c'mon, you had to know that I would bust out the good cheese for you, right? 'Cuz you're my freeeiiiinndddd!!! haha.....*snort*
Ohmygod, I can't believe I just did that! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
(5 minute laughing spell)
hahaha......ahaha.....haha......ha.......(wipes tears away)......hooooooo......that was so not appropriate, I know.
(to bartender)
Hey, uh, sorry about clearing the place out like that- who knew people would have a problem with a person laughing maniacally and crying at the same time? Don't worry, I'll tip good, I promise!
(Turns back around)
So anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, you were about to get me another beerski, amirite? Yeah, that's right, that's the stuff- this shit may be gluten-free, but it sure ain't alcohol free, know what I'm sayin'? Mehehehe. (sways gently on barstool)
Yup. So I just decided that I wasn't gonna care about those things anymore, you know? But the problem is, how am I supposed to live my life if I don't know what to do? I know it probably sounds ridiculous, seeing as how most people dream of being able to live their lives with no major responsibilities other than taking care of themselves, but it's also scary as shit because you're like, winging it all the time.
And then, this is where the apathy comes into play, because I realized that with no one else to worry about, things don't really seem to matter that much at all anymore. I mean, when you get right down to it, none of it really matters. It starts to feel like you're just biding your time until you die, and lemme tell you, that's not a thought you wanna have right before going to bed at night. Seriously, there isn't even anything worth fighting for anymore. Besides, even if you do decide to stand for something and want to fight for a cause, the world is so corrupt and politics are so totally fucked nowadays that there is usually no way you can win. It's just an exercise in futility. I mean, do people really think that their stupid Facebook status is going to raise awareness for their pet causes that will really amount to anything? No, they won't. It's just so FUCKING dumb. And not to mention the people bitching about gas- hey, you drive a car, it needs gas to run- just BUY THE FUCKING GAS and shut the fuck up, please! We can't do a single fucking thing about it, so why bother bitching? Aaarrghhh it just pisses me off... *hard sigh*
Whaat?! Sorry, I'll calm down, I just get a little worked up sometimes, even though, as I already said, there's no fucking point in it... why yes, I will have another, thanks for asking!
(pounds 2/3 of beer at once)
*aaaahhhhhh* that's what I'm talking about. Oh man, I'm sorry. I wanted to come here and catch up, not regale you with a drunken diatribe. Well, yeah, I guess you could say I'm not the best drunk. I have what they call...(leans in much too closely)....excesshhhh.....exess.....excessive soshulllubrication syndrome. That means, I get waaayyyy too chatty when I'm drunk, and I usually say very unaa...unaceptible things too. Hehehehe. I said "lubrication". Heheheh. Luuuuuuuube-rication. I love lube. The word, not the....well, actually, I do love lube. Never mind what I just said, that was dumb. (attepmts to hide huge Cheshire Cat grin)
So anyway, I don't wanna talk about me anymore, let's talk about you. Oh, come on, I told you it's not like I'm gonna go jump off a building or anything, sheesh.....honestly, I won't- you know why? Because it would be too much work, and I also don't want to make my family all sad and shit. They've had enough problems. I wouldn't do that to them. Plus, I've always had the belief that if a person wants to commit suicide, they should have to break their own neck. You know, like how in the movies the karate guy always sneaks up behind some guard or something and snaps his neck? Yeah, like that, only they'd have to do it to themselves. That way, it would automatically cut out all the sad emo dicks who threaten to kill themselves as a cry for attention. The way I look at it is, suicide is about the most cowardly thing a person can do, so why not make the act of killing one's self at least a little bit more respectable by making it something that takes some serious balls to do? Right? Come on, don't laugh- I'm being dead serious! Alright, whatever- laugh it up now, but someday you'll appreciate the simple beauty of that theory....and THEN who'll be laughing??
No, I have no idea what that meant, but it sounded good when it was in my head.....mahahahaha. So yeah, we should totally go someplace else- this bar is boring. Whaaat? You have to go, seriously? Aww mannnnn, it wasn't something I said, was it? Are you sure? Look, I didn't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but well, you asked, so....
No, that's ok, I appreciate it. And don't worry, I will definitely keep in touch. Like I said, I miss talking with you, and we should deeeeeeeeeefinitely do thishh again. I'm sorry for going off on a tangent, but it's just tough trying to figure out what's important when the things you thought were important aren't important anymore, you know? You know?? (tries and fails repeatedly to put arm through hole in jacket sleeve)
Hey, it was good seeing you too- tell the family I said hi, and we'll talk again soon, ok? No, don't worry, I'm gonna walk home. Yeah, it's a little bit of a hike, but I'm sure the fresh air will do me good. It's not like I have anywhere to be anyway....ok, see ya...(waves)
(thinks to self) Oh shit, I guess I should have gotten their phone number. I could go after them, but......*sighs yet again*....what's the point?
(staggers out of bar and onto sidewalk)
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