Now before you go all, "WTF Amy, you are one seriously fucked-up individual", please know that yes, I am, and also that you probably have at least one thing that does it for you too. Something that maybe you saw in a movie when you were probably too young and impressionable to have been seeing it, or something that you heard about from a friend who was telling you in the context of, "Oh, isn't that weird and gross?" while you were secretly thinking to yourself, "I soooo want to do that". Yes, I have a glove fetish. But it's not all-encompassing, mind you. It's not like I'm getting all sweaty over wearing rubber gloves to do the dishes, or scrub toilets or anything, nor am I hyperventilating at the thought of some guy wearing humongous bulky snowmobile mitts. It's a very specific thing, and it can best be split into two categories, of which I will attempt to explain my attractions...
Category A: black nitrile gloves
Ok, so first, allow me to demonstrate-
Uuuunnnhhhhh.....yeah, that's it. Right there. Ok, this one is relatively easy to explain. Ever since I started getting into tattoos and tattooing, I have been around boxes and boxes of these things. I have seen hands carefully slid inside them, and I've also seen them get split and break by a particularly rough insertion from someone who is impatient and doesn't want to take the time to get them on just so. In my book, there are very few things that will cause me to completely lose my train of thought mid-sentence faster than hearing the snap of these fuckers and seeing them on male hands that lead up to heavily tattooed arms. Add a light coating of Vaseline (used during the tattooing process- a lot of artists will stick a glob of it on the back of a glove so they can pull from it as the work goes along), and goddamn....(fans self with the nearest piece of paper available)...that shit is HOT. These gloves are God's gift to tattooing- now not to downplay the inherent sexiness of the regular white surgical gloves, oh no. Those are sexy, but in a different way. And ladies, if you wanna talk about having inappropriate feelings while having a gynecological exam (and I'm betting you don't)...well, just have a look at this and tell me you wouldn't let him put a gloved hand anywhere he wanted to...
And then, of course, we have the other category:
Category B: black leather gloves
Again, first a demonstration:
Anyway, yes. Black leather gloves. Now this has another very specific backstory- it all goes back to when I was around 16 or 17, and I had this boyfriend who was always home alone. His parents would go out of town and leave him there by himself, so naturally, we would hang out there a lot. Well, as kids will do, we found his parents' porn stash one night and decided to check some of them out. And as it turns out, his parents were a couple of kinky fucks. Lots of BDSM and rough sex, and not much else. I think there may have been one of those Playboy Playmate of the Year videos which, as anybody who has ever seen one will know, was basically just one long-ass tease. So after watching about 5 seconds of that, we were both like, "Umm, fuck this", and put in one of the other vids.
The movie we watched was one of those ones with an actual plot, and people with speaking parts (real words, not just fucking noises), and it was about this rich bitch who had this pussy of a husband, and she was verbally belittling him for being such a wuss. So he decided to teach her a lesson by hiring some dude to act as a thief and break into the house while he was gone and scare the crap out of her (funny how in porn movies, there are always a surplus of dudes who are ready and willing to take on such a task, as though all he had to do was look in the Yellow Pages under "Rapists For Hire" or something.."Oh- look honey, this one's licensed AND bonded!").
So yeah...anyway, the dude decides to hide in the backseat of the car, which is in the garage, and waits for her to get in the car to go somewhere. And right on cue (imagine that!), she appears and gets in the driver's seat. Then, when she goes to adjust the rear view mirror (who does that while the car is still in the garage?), she sees him. She tries to scream, but before she can cry out, he claps his hand, encased in a perfect black leather glove, over her mouth. She struggles, her moans muffled by his palm, and he sticks two fingers in her mouth, telling her gruffly to shut up.
Then, as you can well imagine, he proceeds to violate the fuck out of her, all while wearing the black gloves. He fingers her with the gloves on (that's an image I will never get out of my head as long as it's attached to my body), and puts his gloved hands around her neck while railing the shit out of her. Then, when it's time for the money shot, he shoots his load into his gloved palm and wipes it across her dirty slut mouth. (Ok, I added the "dirty slut" part for effect, but I felt it was needed. And it just sounds dirtier.)
Yeah, take it, bitch...lick it off....
Anyhow, that's where that fetish comes from. So if you were offended or grossed out by that, then all I can say is, why did you bother to read all the way to this point? I mean, all the potentially offensive stuff is up there. ^^^^ Seems like if it was so horrible, you would have clutched your pearls to your chest and turned away in disgust long ago. But hey, who am I to judge? I can't exactly claim anybody is odd for doing or not doing anything, really.
So, kids, I guess the moral of this story is, sex and sexuality can mean many different things to many different people. Sometimes it can take the form of black nitrile, other times it can show up as a clown fetish. (And NO, I do not have a clown fetish. Unless you count the wish for mass annihilation of clowns to be a fetish.) The important thing to remember is that at some point you yourself may end up finding out that something out of the ordinary really gets your gears turning, and you won't necessarily know why. But you know what? That's totally ok. Really. It's totally fine to just let yourself be turned on by something that isn't conventionally "sexy"- hell, variety is the spice of life, right? So take those Isotoners that have been packed away since last winter, slap them on some night, and see what develops, You never know what might happen.
I just wouldn't recommend hiding in the back seat of the car, unless you want to get maced or something...
